• “It’s an honor to be in grief. It’s an honor to feel that much, to have loved that much.”  --- Elizabeth Gilbert

October has been a hard month. I have not had the mental energy to put together much in writing or otherwise. I am processing grief. The grief over losing my beautiful mare on October 5th at much too young an age as well as the grief over my now lost self-image as a horsewoman. The barn is empty. The fields are empty. I don’t quite know what to do with myself twice a day at feeding time. A package of carrots in the crisper is triggering. Finding a preserved hoof print in dried mud leaves me gutted. 

I will find new joy. I will find my way forward, but right now it is hard and I’m giving myself some time to be a bit “useless.” Unfortunately, my new mystery The Devil’s Luck is launching October 20th, tomorrow, and I have not had the head space to properly advertise the launch. Oh, well. 

My dog, Sitka, is likewise confused and likely grieving as well. She loved the horses. They were not only companions but were also a job role for her. She enjoyed sitting in the field watching over them. She thought it was her job to round them up for dinner if they were late coming up to the barn. During the period before the body was taken away, I made sure Sitka could see and smell her friends. She spent the afternoon on watch, sitting vigil by the mare’s body. In a way, honoring her friend, I like to think. 

Thank you. 

Lisa and Sitka